Bar fuel …

Slightly less important than what you’re drinking, but slightly more important than those nuts you really shouldn’t be eating … god knows how old they are … anyways, I seem to have lost my point. Oh yeah …

So what are your arguments at the bar? Your buddy is bringing some weak shit in his NBA talk, and you need something to come back with. But you’re probably too drunk to remember anything more than a few simple stats …

Fun facts about how much better the Western Conference is than the Eastern Conference:

1. Boston has a bigger lead on the 2nd seed, Detroit, than the Lakers have on the 8th seed, Golden State

2. 9th seed Denver would currently be running 4th in the East, with a game and a half to spare over Cleveland

3. 5th seed Toronto trails Boston by 17 and a half games, a full game more than Sacramento trails the number one team in the West, the Lakers

4. Golden State has 40 wins, meaning that they could win only 4 more games and finish 44-38. Eastern 8th seed, New Jersey, would have to win their remaining 17 games to reach that record.

5. Miami, currently so far out of the reach of the playoffs that their players are waiting for the NIT selection show, ISN’T TECHNICALLY OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS IN THE EAST. They certainly would be in the West; in fact, a team with nearly twice as many wins as the Heat will probably be the fourth team in the West to lose all mathematical hope of the second season after Golden State abuses Phoenix tonight.

6. The West has twice as many teams with winning records (10) than the East (5).

7. Boston is one game away from clinching their division. Detroit has 6 games, Orlando 8. In the West, Utah has a 4 game lead, the Lakers 3, and don’t even get me started on the Southwest. New Orleans is a half game away from being in a three-way tie with Houston and San Antonio for the lead of that ridiculous division. And Dallas trails the lead by only two and a half games. And mind you, these are all teams with records of .683 or better.

8. Speaking of winning teams, there isn’t a division in the East that has more than two of them. Each division in the West has at least three.

There, that should be good. Just remember who gave you the good word …

Lysol

P.S. Look for the first edition of Lysol’s Danger Rankings!  Coming this Sunday once all the games of the day are finished …

Western Conference 1st round …

(1) Lakers vs. ( Suns: The Mamba licks his lips as he realizes that he won’t even have to personally embarrass Shaq in this series. All he has to do is sit back and watch Bynum draw a foul on O’Neal every minute he’s in the game. That being said, this series won’t be easy. Look for Raja Bell to cry like a baby as Kobe breaks Jordan’s single game scoring record in game 4 after the Suns sneak by the Show in game 3. That breaks the camel’s back, and Shaq mumbles indecipherable inanities as he slowly retreats into the sunset. Lakers in 5.

(2) Spurs vs. (7) Mavericks: These teams are too familiar with each other to come to a sweep, right? Wrong. Avery Johnson gets his deer-in-the-headlights look as all three of the Spurs top guys drop 30 points in the first game. Parker lets more tongue-in-cheek insults about the Kidd trade after this one is out of reach. The only real question is who will get their ankles broken first: Kidd by Parker, or Stackhouse by Ginobili? Repeat after me: you don’t get better by getting older. Trust me, I watched the Payton and Malone-infused Lakers stumble, and if they couldn’t do it, neither can these cats. Sweep! Spurs in 4.

(3) Hornets vs. (6) Warriors: For my money, the best game of the first round. Chris Paul and Baron Davis remind us all that this is a point guard’s league now that they changed the illegal defense rule and eliminated hand-checking on the perimeter. Neither team can pull off more than two wins in a row, so this instant classic goes to 7. But Golden State goes cold at the worst time, and Chris Paul earns his first-team All NBA defensive honors by shutting down Monta Ellis when it counts. Hornets in 7.

(4) Jazz vs. (5) Rockets: Did I say the last series was going to be the most exciting? Well, yes, and I stand by it, but here’s why: I have Houston slumping into the playoffs. No way they’re going to keep up this streak, what goes up must come down. Only six of their current winning streak occurred on the road, and they have to finish with 7 out of 10 on the road. Slippage. Infighting. Did I mention I have Dikembe going out with an injury? Oh yeah: I have Dikembe going down with an injury. So give me your Scola and Landry all you want, this team will be a far cry from a title contender by the time they hit the playoffs. They take out Utah in game 2 off of a ridiculous game from McGrady, and start the series 3-1. Wait a minute, you say. I’ve heard this one before. McGrady up 3-1 in the first round of the playoffs. Surely, Lysol, you ain’t suggestin’ that he fucks it up again? I’m afraid that’s precisely what I’m suggestin’. Only this time, McGrady doesn’t jinx himself on TNT in an interview beforehand. Jazz in 7.

-Lysol

P.S.  stay tuned for my analysis of the NBA.com Dance Team Bracket.  My money is on the Honey Bees.

Lysol’s final standings

Without further ado, the East …

1. Boston Celtics (66-16)

2. Detroit Pistons (62-20)

3. Orlando Magic (53-29)

4. Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32)

5. Toronto Raptors (45-37)

6. Philadelphia 76ers (40-42)

7. Washington Wizards (39-43)

8. Atlanta Hawks (37-47)

I have the Bulls finishing one game out, and the Bobcats and Nets two games out. Better luck next year!
And the West …

1. Los Angeles Lakers (60-22)

2. San Antonio Spurs (59-23)

3. New Orleans Hornets (58-24)

4. Utah Jazz (55-27)

5. Houston Rockets (54-2

6. Golden State Warriors (53-29)

7. Dallas Mavericks (52-30)

8. Phoenix Suns (52-30)

I have Denver tied with both the Mavericks and Suns, but losing out on tiebreakers. Ooh, soooooo clooooose …

Stay tuned for first round matchups!

Shaq in a Honda

A guy over at Honda-tech.com has a great story of meeting Shaq and only getting to take a picture if he gave BIG a ride in his tiny Honda. Small car or not, d-bag extraordinaire Chris still thinks Shaq’s done.

Photo credit: Honda-tech.com

- Marin

Top five players that need a change of scenery

As the number 3 draft pick Mike Dunleavy looked like a complete bust for the Warriors. He was slow, wasn’t close to a good shooter, looked like a chemo patient, and just seemed to not have the heart to succeed in the L. When Don Nelson was brought on, he immediately shipped out Jr. The Warriors went on an amazing post-season run, and all was well in Warriors land.

A funny thing happened though: Dunleavy showed he’s a baller, and can start in this league. After never averaging more than 13.4 a game for the Dubs, Jr. is dropping 18 a game while shooting 47 percent a game. He’s not getting that many minutes, he just needed a change of scenery - and probably get away from what’s expected for a #3 pick.

With Dunleavy as a model, I’m going to take a look at the top 5 NBA players in need of a new team. These players aren’t exactly superstars (whiny bitches won’t get mentioned), but they could produce in a new area code. In no particular order…

Kelenna Azubuike

Speaking of Golden State Warriors … when Jason Richardson got traded, I expected ‘Buke to explode. He has good size, a decent jumper and quiet athleticism. Unfortunately, the wing position is packed on the Warriors and ‘buke’s barely cracking the rotation. Plus, you can’t really blame Nelson for giving the bulk of the shooting guard minutes to Monta Ellis.

His contract’s up this off-season, and he can probably be had for about half the mid-level exception. Teams that are weak in the backcourt (Orlando Magic) could pick up a solid starter for a good price.

Craig Smith

If you’ve never heard of Craig Smith, the Rhino, do yourself a favor and check out his blog. More than that, check out his game.

He’s a burly 6-8, 250 power forward with a tendency for nastiness. He’s part of this new wave of undersized tough 4’s (like Al Jefferson, Paul Millsap, heck, even Carlos Boozer). The problem is that Jefferson’s about the same size and is unquestionably better. Jefferson has to slide over to the center position often, and besides being a bad defender, you’re forcing Big Al to perpetually be matched against bigger people.

What does this have to do with Smith? Well, the Rhino deserves playing time, and the Twolves aren’t winning anyway, so they play a small front court. If you put Smith on a team with adequate centers, he can have a legit impact on a winning team. By no means will he be an All-Star, but I could easily see Smith as a contributor on a winning squad.

T.J. Ford

The man who was once called a “point god” needs a new home. Houston’s T.J. Ford is lightning quick, has worked hard to make his shot, and has great court vision.

What’s the problem? The Raptors have Jose Calderon, who’s playing like an All-Star. Ford’s too slight to play defense on the bigger PGs, and there’s that whole ‘leaving-the -court-in-a-stretcher-multiple-times’ thing.

It’s a tough thing for any team to take a gamble on Ford, especially because he’s due $8 mil a year for the next few years. But, if healthy - a big IF - Ford’s a great floor leader who can have a Chris Paul-effect on a team.

David Lee

New York’s favorite player needs to get the hell off the Knicks. I know, I know, he’s the only reason Knicks fans have to care any more, but he deserves to be on a better team.

A hard worker, David Lee’s averaging close to a double double (10.7 pts and 8.7 boards) and the Knicks are an abortion. Lee has steadily improved his offensive game, and he’ll never be outworked.

Lee still has a few more years under contract at the rookie rate, but almost every team in the league would kill to have him. The Knicks could have had Ron Artest, but they were unwilling to give up Lee.

So, Lee doesn’t need to switch teams to excel, he needs to switch teams because it’s not fair that such a fine player has to deal with the mess in New York.

Joe Johnson

JSmooth needs to be the 3rd option on a championship caliber team. He’s not good enough to be the number one option … what? He left the Suns? Oh, screw him them.

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- feel free to drop us a line at str8balling AT gmail DOT com

-Marin