Western Conference 1st round …

(1) Lakers vs. ( Suns: The Mamba licks his lips as he realizes that he won’t even have to personally embarrass Shaq in this series. All he has to do is sit back and watch Bynum draw a foul on O’Neal every minute he’s in the game. That being said, this series won’t be easy. Look for Raja Bell to cry like a baby as Kobe breaks Jordan’s single game scoring record in game 4 after the Suns sneak by the Show in game 3. That breaks the camel’s back, and Shaq mumbles indecipherable inanities as he slowly retreats into the sunset. Lakers in 5.

(2) Spurs vs. (7) Mavericks: These teams are too familiar with each other to come to a sweep, right? Wrong. Avery Johnson gets his deer-in-the-headlights look as all three of the Spurs top guys drop 30 points in the first game. Parker lets more tongue-in-cheek insults about the Kidd trade after this one is out of reach. The only real question is who will get their ankles broken first: Kidd by Parker, or Stackhouse by Ginobili? Repeat after me: you don’t get better by getting older. Trust me, I watched the Payton and Malone-infused Lakers stumble, and if they couldn’t do it, neither can these cats. Sweep! Spurs in 4.

(3) Hornets vs. (6) Warriors: For my money, the best game of the first round. Chris Paul and Baron Davis remind us all that this is a point guard’s league now that they changed the illegal defense rule and eliminated hand-checking on the perimeter. Neither team can pull off more than two wins in a row, so this instant classic goes to 7. But Golden State goes cold at the worst time, and Chris Paul earns his first-team All NBA defensive honors by shutting down Monta Ellis when it counts. Hornets in 7.

(4) Jazz vs. (5) Rockets: Did I say the last series was going to be the most exciting? Well, yes, and I stand by it, but here’s why: I have Houston slumping into the playoffs. No way they’re going to keep up this streak, what goes up must come down. Only six of their current winning streak occurred on the road, and they have to finish with 7 out of 10 on the road. Slippage. Infighting. Did I mention I have Dikembe going out with an injury? Oh yeah: I have Dikembe going down with an injury. So give me your Scola and Landry all you want, this team will be a far cry from a title contender by the time they hit the playoffs. They take out Utah in game 2 off of a ridiculous game from McGrady, and start the series 3-1. Wait a minute, you say. I’ve heard this one before. McGrady up 3-1 in the first round of the playoffs. Surely, Lysol, you ain’t suggestin’ that he fucks it up again? I’m afraid that’s precisely what I’m suggestin’. Only this time, McGrady doesn’t jinx himself on TNT in an interview beforehand. Jazz in 7.

-Lysol

P.S.  stay tuned for my analysis of the NBA.com Dance Team Bracket.  My money is on the Honey Bees.

Eastern Conference first round …

(1) Celtics vs. ( Hawks:  Sweep. Get the brooms ready. Celtics in 4.

(2) Pistons vs. (7) Wizards:   If Gilbert can show up healthy, he can pass his audition for his next team by dropping an average of 40 a game on the Pistons. That being said, this one is a broom series as well. Pistons have to keep pace with the Celtics so they don’t get a chance to rest Garnett and his abdominal strain. Pistons in 4.

(3) Magic vs. (6) 76ers:  While Chris may believe this is a quick series, he’s underestimating Dalembert. If this was several years ago I would throw in a French joke, but those goddamn frogs have proven they can hang better than any other European country in the NBA. Andre Miller, the second-best point guard in the Eastern playoffs, will be laughing when they snake the first game in the series and put Orlando on the defensive. But AI 2008 won’t be able to keep them afloat the way the old AI could, and Hedo uses up his luck with a great series. Magic in 6.

(4) Cavs vs. (5) Raptors:   Now I’ll be the first to admit it, I didn’t buy the Cavs trade. They gave up defense for offense, got older, and lost most of their guard rotation. Somehow, Damon “Last of the Mohicans” Jones doesn’t inspire confidence at the 2. Maybe it’s the fact that he has more suits than points so far this year. But Bosh is gimpy, and even then this team seems to be cursed by injuries. Every game is a struggle, but LeBron’s 4th quarter heroics get it done. Cavs in 5.

-Lysol

Lysol’s final standings

Without further ado, the East …

1. Boston Celtics (66-16)

2. Detroit Pistons (62-20)

3. Orlando Magic (53-29)

4. Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32)

5. Toronto Raptors (45-37)

6. Philadelphia 76ers (40-42)

7. Washington Wizards (39-43)

8. Atlanta Hawks (37-47)

I have the Bulls finishing one game out, and the Bobcats and Nets two games out. Better luck next year!
And the West …

1. Los Angeles Lakers (60-22)

2. San Antonio Spurs (59-23)

3. New Orleans Hornets (58-24)

4. Utah Jazz (55-27)

5. Houston Rockets (54-2

6. Golden State Warriors (53-29)

7. Dallas Mavericks (52-30)

8. Phoenix Suns (52-30)

I have Denver tied with both the Mavericks and Suns, but losing out on tiebreakers. Ooh, soooooo clooooose …

Stay tuned for first round matchups!

Who wants to imitate Mutombo?

Via Odenized

Deke’s a great guy, besides raising millions of dollars for his native Congo, and being at the State of the Union address, the best story will always be

I think he was a sophomore at the time, meaning he was probably around 2 was beloved by his fellow classmates at G’Town, known to be a very social and friendly guy. He was also an inexperienced drinker and supposedly got BOMBED whenever he went out and partied, which was very seldom. One night, Deke rolled to some club in Maryland with some friends, absolutely belligerent and dressed like a fool, and upon making his presence felt, hollered out, “WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTUMBO?! WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTUMBO?!” The entire bar went silent for a few brief seconds before erupting into laughter. How can you not LOVE this guy?!

via The Sports Source

- drop us a line at str8balling AT gmail DOT com

-Marin

Shaq in a Honda

A guy over at Honda-tech.com has a great story of meeting Shaq and only getting to take a picture if he gave BIG a ride in his tiny Honda. Small car or not, d-bag extraordinaire Chris still thinks Shaq’s done.

Photo credit: Honda-tech.com

- Marin

4 NBA players I don’t want to play poker with

If you missed it, there was a great piece out of the Sun-Sentinel about NBA players and high-stakes poker.
“I’ve heard guys who have lost $30,000 on an hour plane trip,” Charlotte guard Derek Anderson, the former Heat reserve, says. “It’s amazing — $30,000 in an hour.

“You leave Chicago, you have $30,000. You arrive in Detroit, you don’t.”

It got me thinking, who are five players that I absolutely would not want to play high-stakes poker with.

Kevin Garnett

He’s renowned for his intensity, but that very intensity would freak me out at the table. Could you imagine crazy-eyes Garnett staring at you while you’re trying to bluff?

Of course, he’d prolly wear sunglasses.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that wouldn’t be enough to contain the intenseness.

Tim Duncan

It’s a bit on the nose, but the perpetually poker-faced player would be hell to see across the table. It would be awful because he’d give you the same reaction every time. It would be impossible to read Duncan.

“I raise you $5 thousand.”

“Full House. What you got?”

“Tony Parker raped your mom and now she has syphilis.”

Stephen Jackson

One of the things my grandpappy told me was never play cards with a man who has tats of praying hands holding a gun. Plus, we all know that he’s the type of guy who likes to fight.

Trying to find video of the brawl, but the video’s mysteriously no longer available. Hmm? Maybe David Stern doesn’t think it’s a good idea to see three of his players giving fans knuckle-sammiches.

Kwame Brown

The game would never get going because the cards would bounce off his hands out of bounds.

- drop us a line at str8balling AT gmail DOT com

- Marin

Invest in an Indians pitcher

Not about hoop, but so what …
A minor league Indians pitcher will let you invest $20 in him, and you’ll get .0016 percent of what he earns throughout his career.

WINTER HAVEN, Fla. (AP) —Randy Newsom has never thrown a pitch above Double-A ball. Still, he wants to put himself on the market.

The stock market, that is.

A minor league pitcher with the Cleveland Indians, Newsom worked in obscurity Monday on the crowded back fields at spring training, distinguished from hundreds of hopefuls only by the red No. 41 on the back of his sweat-soaked blue uniform top.

“It’s time to get down to business,” he said after several strenuous sessions of fundamental drills such as covering first base.

Read the rest of the story here.

Interesting stuff. The guy’s only 25, but only has an 11-8 with a 3.29 ERA.

The average baseball player’s salary is roughly $3 mil with starting pitchers getting about $4.25 mil. There’s no guarantee dude’s going to the show, but how cool is it to say “I own a piece of a baseball player?”
- Marin

Top five players that need a change of scenery

As the number 3 draft pick Mike Dunleavy looked like a complete bust for the Warriors. He was slow, wasn’t close to a good shooter, looked like a chemo patient, and just seemed to not have the heart to succeed in the L. When Don Nelson was brought on, he immediately shipped out Jr. The Warriors went on an amazing post-season run, and all was well in Warriors land.

A funny thing happened though: Dunleavy showed he’s a baller, and can start in this league. After never averaging more than 13.4 a game for the Dubs, Jr. is dropping 18 a game while shooting 47 percent a game. He’s not getting that many minutes, he just needed a change of scenery - and probably get away from what’s expected for a #3 pick.

With Dunleavy as a model, I’m going to take a look at the top 5 NBA players in need of a new team. These players aren’t exactly superstars (whiny bitches won’t get mentioned), but they could produce in a new area code. In no particular order…

Kelenna Azubuike

Speaking of Golden State Warriors … when Jason Richardson got traded, I expected ‘Buke to explode. He has good size, a decent jumper and quiet athleticism. Unfortunately, the wing position is packed on the Warriors and ‘buke’s barely cracking the rotation. Plus, you can’t really blame Nelson for giving the bulk of the shooting guard minutes to Monta Ellis.

His contract’s up this off-season, and he can probably be had for about half the mid-level exception. Teams that are weak in the backcourt (Orlando Magic) could pick up a solid starter for a good price.

Craig Smith

If you’ve never heard of Craig Smith, the Rhino, do yourself a favor and check out his blog. More than that, check out his game.

He’s a burly 6-8, 250 power forward with a tendency for nastiness. He’s part of this new wave of undersized tough 4’s (like Al Jefferson, Paul Millsap, heck, even Carlos Boozer). The problem is that Jefferson’s about the same size and is unquestionably better. Jefferson has to slide over to the center position often, and besides being a bad defender, you’re forcing Big Al to perpetually be matched against bigger people.

What does this have to do with Smith? Well, the Rhino deserves playing time, and the Twolves aren’t winning anyway, so they play a small front court. If you put Smith on a team with adequate centers, he can have a legit impact on a winning team. By no means will he be an All-Star, but I could easily see Smith as a contributor on a winning squad.

T.J. Ford

The man who was once called a “point god” needs a new home. Houston’s T.J. Ford is lightning quick, has worked hard to make his shot, and has great court vision.

What’s the problem? The Raptors have Jose Calderon, who’s playing like an All-Star. Ford’s too slight to play defense on the bigger PGs, and there’s that whole ‘leaving-the -court-in-a-stretcher-multiple-times’ thing.

It’s a tough thing for any team to take a gamble on Ford, especially because he’s due $8 mil a year for the next few years. But, if healthy - a big IF - Ford’s a great floor leader who can have a Chris Paul-effect on a team.

David Lee

New York’s favorite player needs to get the hell off the Knicks. I know, I know, he’s the only reason Knicks fans have to care any more, but he deserves to be on a better team.

A hard worker, David Lee’s averaging close to a double double (10.7 pts and 8.7 boards) and the Knicks are an abortion. Lee has steadily improved his offensive game, and he’ll never be outworked.

Lee still has a few more years under contract at the rookie rate, but almost every team in the league would kill to have him. The Knicks could have had Ron Artest, but they were unwilling to give up Lee.

So, Lee doesn’t need to switch teams to excel, he needs to switch teams because it’s not fair that such a fine player has to deal with the mess in New York.

Joe Johnson

JSmooth needs to be the 3rd option on a championship caliber team. He’s not good enough to be the number one option … what? He left the Suns? Oh, screw him them.

Amazon.com Widgets

- feel free to drop us a line at str8balling AT gmail DOT com

-Marin

The Shaq trade still won’t work, although beating the Spurs was nice and all.

In past games the Spurs shut down the Sun’s three point shooting and did whatever they wanted inside. This time the Suns went inside, Amare had a poor shooting night but thats not always going to happen and Shaq was a monster. (Not to mention Spurs inexplicably not fouling at the end.)

Shaq was jumping for loose balls, getting blocks, falling into the 4th row. He was everything the Sun’s could have wanted. Which is great, thats what they wanted, size in the playoffs but there are three major problems.

1. He can’t do it every night - When he is motivated, he is great, but in a seven game series do you see him putting up 15-15 type numbers every night? Even if he can, can he get to the finals in a tough West doing it over and over again?

2. They won’t have home court - The Suns went from the best record in the West into a 5th seed at best team, and that is because Shaq can’t do it every night. That means they don’t get to feed off the energy of their home crowd to start, and that is going to hurt an aging team.

3. They can’t defend the point - Steve Nash can’t guard that position, Barbosa can’t. Parker, Williams, Kidd, Paul are all potential first round opponents, all of them will have career series against the Suns (well Kidd might not, but he has had a pretty stellar career.)

Steve Kerr will get fired by February of next year, and D’Antoni will be an unfortunate scape goat along with him. Expect the Suns to rebuild the summer after this. The Suns got what they needed from Shaq for one game, but it was for one game, not seven.

- Chris

My picks in the East and West

East:
1. Boston
2. Detroit
3. Orlando
4. Cleveland
5. Toronto
6. Philadelphia (I admit, i didn’t even have them making the playoffs two weeks ago)
7. Washington*
8. Atlanta

*If Butler fails to come back in the next two week, I may push them to 8, but he resumes full contact practice tomorrow. If he fails to come back at all, insert New Jersey in at 8th.

Rnd 1.
Celtics over Atlanta in 5. After atlanta takes game 3, alot of the media will start questions the Celtics, but they will win the last two comfortably and no one will remember game 3.

Detroit over Washington in 4. Unless Arenas is back then it will go to 5.

Orlando over Philadelphia in 6. 76er’s front court just won’t get it done.

Cleveland over Toronto in 6. Should be a good series, and I could see the raptors pulling the upset but LBJ will be unstoppable. Who is going to guard him?

Rnd 2:
Celtics over Cleveland in 6. The funny thing is if Orlando finished 4th and Cleveland 3rd both would have a better chance of causing an upset. Cleveland and Detroit have a few years of fueding and history and you couldn’t count Cleveland out. But against Boston they are just overmatched, I don’t see Wallace causing Garnett problems, and with Hughes gone who is going to guard Ray Allen?

Detroit over Magic in 6. If the magic score 110 a night, maybe, just maybe they can pull the upset. But who is going to guard Rip and Chauncy? Dooling and Bogans are better defenders but you give up easy baskets on offense. Howard will be unstoppable when he gets the ball, but just who is going to get it to him? Prince will take Turkoglu out of the game, which leaves Rashard Lewis to step it up. I just don’t see Lewis earning his money, Pistons could even win in 5.

Conference Finals:
Celtics over Detroit in 5. Kevin Garnett is going to smell it, he has the supporting cast to do it, I think we could see for the second time in as many seasons Detroit taken down by a single player.

West:
Los Angeles
San Antonio
Utah
New Orleans
Houston (who two weeks ago I said wouldnt make the playoffs)
Dallas
Phoenix
Golden State

Denver need a massive injury (a la Nash, Davis, McGrady etc) to make the playoffs.

Rnd 1
Lakers over Golden State in 6. Golden State is going to need to get very very hot to win, they could still do it though, and there is not a team in the conference who could sweep them.

Spurs over Suns in 7. This series will go to 7, Shaq will play motivated ball that will have everyone saying “oh this could work next season.” But it wont work next season, I say seven games because Shaq matches up decently with the spurs since Duncan will be busy with Stoudemire. That bad blood between these teams could make it the bext series in the first round.

Utah over Dallas in 5. Utah will embarass Dallas, before the Kidd trade I had the Mavs coming out of the west. I just don’t see it now, and they don’t match up favorably with the Jazz who have a guard that consistantly outplays Kidd, they have a forward that nobody on the Mavs can guard. The Mavs on the other hand have an undeserving MVP who will put up 20 and 10, but it won’t be enough.

Houston over New Orleans in 6. Here is my upset pick in the first round, they beat them yesterday and this Houston team is finally allowed to run. Couple the Hornets inexperience with the rockets hunger and this series could end up shocking some people.

Rnd 2:
Lakers over Houston in 5. At least McGrady gets out of the first round. The Lakers have way to much inside, McGrady is going to need to average 40 just to give Houston a chance and with Kobe guardiing him I don’t see him doing that on a nightly basis.

Spurs over Utah in 6. Who is going to guard Tony Parker and Ginobli? Utah has had a suspect defense all season and they are going to be punished. Okur is going to need to come up bit to give Utah a chance but Thomas can handle him, and Duncan and Boozer will cancel each other out. Utah should still beable to take a couple of games from this.

Conference Finals:
San Antonio over Los Angeles in 6. All that experience, the years of playing together, the speed of Parker, Duncan inside, Bowen keeping Kobe quiet.

Finals

Celtics over Spurs in 7. Although the Laker final would be more romantic, and have Stern wetting his pants, we are going to get the most disciplined team in the West take on the best team in the East. The Celtics will be less tired, less battered and possibly hungrier. The Spurs don’t get an easy series in the West and they will have less opportunity to rest players in the end of season run in.

- Chris